TW: Mentions of suicide, transphobia

I used to not have bad dreams but it seems like my dreams lately have been pretty fucked up. Had a dream where my mom died and I fell into a deep depression, Telling my friends that I was going to kill myself…pretty messed up. The other dream I had was just weird though. I met one of my online friends IRL and all I really remember is exploring a city at night, alone. Occasionally texting my friend about the things I saw which included a water park. I wish I remembered more because it was a pretty good dream I think.

Spent a couple hours implimenting my diary redesign and it looks great now! I wasn’t planning initially to use iframes but I wanted the reader to have some music playing while they read and that wasn’t going to work if they had to click between pages. You can still view each page individually you just have to open it in a new tab now. I took the time to do things like change the color on the background and add VHS hissing to the music! I’m quite happy with how it looks now. I might redesign the blog next but I’m ready for a break now.

Accidentally broke the blog section while working on the diary because the blog posts and diary shared a template. I apply a half-assed fix for now and worry about it later like the good webmaster I am (Feels weird saying “webmaster” because I sure as hell am not a master at anything web related.) :)

I was in a really good mood at work today. I feel like sometimes I’m happier and more social when I am tired because I guess I just don’t have the energy to mask my emotions? I’m not entirely sure. One of my co-workers started loudly listening to a transphobic video and it seriously damaged my mood. Plus, that same co-worker kept staring at me and it was really getting on my nerves. Every time I look up I’d see her staring at me. I eventually confronted her about this and she just responded with “It’s a free country”…ugh. If you swapped the genders in this situation that wouldn’t be an acceptable response in the slightest but that is the clown gender roles I have to deal with constantly. I really hate this shitty little town. It’s full of alt-right lunatics and I hate virtually everyone that lives here. I’m also almost completely isolated from the outside world without a car and even then it is a 30 minute drive to get anywhere. I’d love to just pack up and go live somewhere else but that sure won’t be happening any time soon if ever. But at least I am home and I can relax away from the world in my room which has been the only thing keeping me sane for ? number of years lol.